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:: Nixinne ::  Name::nixinne From::Knoxville, Tennessee, United States complete profile
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How Weird Are You?
 Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.
What American City Are You?
Cosmopolitan and sophisticated, you enjoy the newest in food, art, and culture.
What Rejected Crayon Are You?
How Evil Are You?
 You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!
How Scary Are You?
 Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.
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Feb 28, 2006 taken for granted...  i love this quote so much but who in ths whole wide world actually believes on it? or even take it seriously? everybody is so busy trying to make a name for themselves that they do not appreciate what they have at the moment...until they lose it 
You Know You're From Tennessee When... You've never met any celebrities....other than Fred Thompson "Vacation" means going to the family reunion. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas. You laugh when people from anywhere north of TN tries to say or spell "y'all" It's "Mar-vull" not "Mary-ville" It's "Knox-vull" not "Knox-ville" A tabogan is a hat, not a sled. You butter your hot biscuit by cutting it open, putting a slab of butter inside and closing it back up again. Every town in East Tennesse has a "strip" and they're not particularly safe to be in at night. Pigeon Forge is not pronounced with a French accent. Gatlinburg does have an "L" in it and it should be pronounced. Sales tax is 9.5%. You shop at Walmart for groceries, not at a grocery store. You don't drive in Knoxville on game-day. EVER. You or your friends chew. You can't remember the last time you saw snow. You have a "piss on" sticker on your car window You know when Elvis Presley Day is You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Tennessee. get your own 'you know where you came from' HERE
I thought it was so ingenious and funny. Kudos to the person who wrote it but i actually found it at one blogger site in myspace [brwneyedgrl2005]
im getting addicted to this bloging thing. although i have always wanted to just have something like a journal or a diary and here it is! Very convenient!
national park pass
MOOD: happy He went in the room, giving me an owners manual & a park pass fro national parks. I didn't know what it is for but i thanked him anyway. But then he said that it is both for us then felt like a fool. But then again he said to look at the names of the one parks pass that we ave and it has both our names on it! It is our first ever document that has both our names. How sweet! Hmmm...the gnawing feeling inside still lurks behind the curtains threathning to abolish any good sense or vibe this may bring...NOOOOO!..I shall try hard not to stray away from the more obvious point...i think he is ready.. or is he?...most crucial question is...am i? ---------------------------------------------------- MOOD: confused Is he having cold feet? He keeps on changing his mind. Now i dont know if we will be able to push through on san francisco plan. But i guess it is just about where he can find a job. In either case, with or without him i wll need to move to San Francisco. I need my ER experience. Ive got all the credentials and yet i cant work there sine i havent done any full time work on that department.
Q: Ano ang sabi ng bangus nang mamamatay na siya> A: I'm daing! Q: Ano ang sabi ng isda nang hiwain siya sa gitna? A: I'm tuna Q: Ano ang tawag kapag sinuot mo ang kanang sapatos sa kaliwang paa at ang kaliwang sapatos sa kanang paa? A: Malicious Q: Sino ang unang arkitekto? A: Si Eba, kasi siya ang unang nagpatayo. Q: Sino ang unang estudyante? A: Si Adan, kasi siya ang unang pumasok. Q: What's the difference between a kiss, a car, and a monkey A: A kiss is so dear, a car is for you dear, a monkey is you my dear. Q: What will happen to a wooden car with a wooden wheel and a wooden engine? A: It wooden start. KNOW the movie "MULAN?" Part four na yon! First episode nun "Mulog," then "Midlat," Tapos "Mambon," saka pa lang "Mulan" Coming soon na ang "Magyo," Next ang "Maha," finally "Maraw"... ak magkanapos nyun, ngongo kha nha yin!!! Dear Itay, padalhan mo ako ng pera kasi ang mga damit ko pinagkakain ng mga daga. Dear Anak, wala akong pera. Kung gusto mo, meron dito pusa. Isang babae bumili ng asukal. Inabot ng tindera, pero sabi ng babae,"Miss, asin itong binigay mo sa akin." Hindi, asukal yan. Minarkahan lang naming"Asin" para hindi langgamin. Ngongo dictionary: CATTLE - dun nakatira ang printeta at printipe MELT - yun ang sinusuot sa mewang EFFORT - dun nag-la-land ang efflane STATUE - ikaw ba yan? ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner? ITAY: Anak, pag kumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!! M'AM: Inday, sa susunod, ayokong pinakikialaman mo an g condom namin ng Sir mo! INDAY: M'am, hwag kayong magbibintang! Di kami sanay ni Sir gumamit niyan! Sobra kayo! MRS: Lolokohin ko mister ko. Magpapanggap akong pick-up girl ako.Pagkita kay Mister: Hi Pogi! AVAILABLE ako ngayon.... MR: Ayoko sa yo!!! Kamukha mo misis ko!!! MR: Doc, duwag ako magpabunot ng ngipin. DR: No problem, eto whiskey, uminom ka! Mister, uminom ng whiskey) DR: O, matapang ka na ba? MR: Oo Doc, pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko gugulpihin ko! WHEN I was lost you were there, When I was down you were there. When I was heartbroken you were there. When I got really sick you were there. ABA, hindi kaya ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko? A Filipino lady was taking the exam for US naturalization and citizenship. She aced the test. The examiner said, "Now, the last part of the exam is a vocabulary test. Can you spell the word 'Window?"The lady said, "W-I-N-D-O-W."; "Ah, very good,", the examiner said. "Now, use it in a sentence.""WINDOW I get my citizenship papers?" Anong saging ang mataba? SABA Anong saging ang maliit? SENYORITA Yung sinusubo pati balat?.. T? sirit na? Esep..esep..! Ano pa eh di TURON!!! Huwag esep sama! Pulis: Bayad ko sa kape, o. Chinese: Aba, aftah 25 years, bakit ka bayad? Pulis: Utos ni Chief, wala nang kotong. Chinese: Aba sige, simula ngayon hindi na ako dura sa kape mo. Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo! Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang ang aasahan ko hindi mangyayari yan! WIFE: Hudas ka! Lagi kang umuuwing lasing. Naaasar natuloy ako sa mukha mo. HUSBAND: Pero mahal, kung hindi ako lasing, ako namanang maaasar sa mukha mo! Wife: Pag may problema ko, kahit gaano kabigat,nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture mo. Husband: Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na mahal mo ko. Wife: Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos sinasabi ko sasarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA NA MAS HIHIGIT PA DITO. Anak: 'Nay, puede na ba akong magbra? Nay, kinse na po ako, puede na ba? Ina : Hoy! Joselito! tigilan mo nga ako!!!!
My mom sent me this today. It was very funny...just try to cover up the answers ok? Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!! First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down)
Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Okay, now the bonus round: A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
All we did last night was do all this questionnaire with blogthings. And i came up with some interesting names. LOL.
It was very funny. Everybody should try it! There are questions like: How evil are you, What reject color are you, How abnormal are you, Who were you in past life, etc. BLOGTHINGS
angrylicious yes... I am deliciously angry. I came up with a new adjective that will describe how mad i am today. Very mad. Too much aggression. Not favorable to anybody today. WHY? because of an unavoidable circumstance that happened last night at work. I had the misfortune of being floated to another floor at 11 pm last night. After 4 hours of having patients already on the floor that i started on!...GRRRR...It wasn not anybodys fault...it's just i hated med/surg floor like no other! It's just like a nursing home without the benefit of having a nursing assistant. The nurses that i followed on the 6 patients that i got did not have any brain whatsoever to tell me what was going on PRECISELY with this patient. Their unit is such a bullf"cking mess! A person who is diagnosed with CVA (stroke) with 90% carotid stenosis and a blood pressure of 210/70 since 5:30 pm (when i came in at 11:30pm, i did my routine vitals and found out that the high blood pressure has been documented at 5:30 in the afternoon without calling the MD's attention) should not be left without any BP medication at all!. NEGLECT! That's what it is. That nurse must be sued. It is a common mistake if you dont follow through your intake and outputs for one shift or if hanged your antibiotics an hour late but for a life threatening situation like that...it is neglect. That nurse should be sued from head to toe if the patient suffered yet another CVA for neglecting to mention to the doctor about the BP and not doing anythign about it! And the nerve of the people who shows up in the morning acting like i was just sitting around all night long doing nothing! Getting pulled away from your own unit just means i don't know where things are on their floor. I told the AM nurse that one of the IV piggybacks are not anywhere to be found so i called the pharmacy to send it up, but since the pharmacy is always busy, they havent send the medication yet and since it is was over my time to leave, i asked her if she can do me a favor and just hang that one for me. She abruptly turned her back from me. She came back to me a minute or so later holding the medications in her hand saying sarcastically "You just dont know where to look!" I was mad, angry and i wanted to pull my hair out in frustration. Doesnt she understand that i dont know my way around the floor and nobody took the time to explain to me where things are? OK, there's another nurse who i guess just wanted to make me feel like an idiot who came up to me just to point out that one of the 3 IV machine lines is beeping although it was not connected to the patient. Doesnt he have his own brains just to turn it off? He needed me to turn off a machine! In the end he looke dlike an idiot for telling me a no brainer problem of his. I will never go back to that floor EVER again. NEVER EVER!. I will make sure of that. I will talk to the manager since i dont really need to be there anyway. I specifically asked to be on the cardiac floor for a reason. I do not need to work 3 days on this hospital because i have agency positions who are waiting fro my availability. But since i like my floor and not anywhere else, i agreed to just work there "fulltime" PRN. I am sleepy and yet i still want to pull my hair out... ---------------------------------------------- Well, at least my day progressed to better than last night. Mike was so supportive by listening to my whining and expression of disgust to some people at work. He took my hand and told me it was okay and even bought some smoked salmon for dinner (which is my favorite dish nowadays). We also talked about moving together which we are still on planning stages. We do not want to hurry and we want it to work for both of us. We will talk more of it throughout my stay here in Knoxville.
living arrangements He told me months ago that he wanted to go with me in San Francisco. At first, I thought that it was just to accompany me there but the more he talked about it, it seems like he is talking about "indefinite living arrangements". So i went along, thinking that it might not be a bad idea. I am not sure if i am ready fro that big step either but having him nearby is a lot easier on my travel expenditures since we dont have to pay airline tickets just ot see each other. So, today i just came to a point that i need to be straight with him or else i will be on the ESP side of the universe. When i told him he wasnt ready for us to live together and that it does not really matter as long as he tell me and not lead me on things, he said he really want to be with me and live with me. He just said that he does not want to get to a point that i will be helping him with his bills. He said he wanted to be able to mange financially alone so when we live together in San Francisco, i wouldnt have to worry anything. In short, ...well...i really dont know...
champorado & date movie  Hohummm....too early. I am going to try and make some ready-to-cook Champ-o-rado mix. But it's almost time to leave. darn...I do not think i will be able to eat that. Maybe some coffee will do for now and maybe a piece of banana. Isn't hard to contain or cont calories? According to Beachbody's formula, i am only allowed to eat 1020 calories a day! I am starving already just thinking about it. ok...off to second day of PALS course ad another dose of snobbish ER nurses.-----------------------------------------------------  Mike & I watched the "Date Movie" last night which i guess is just a spoof combination of several movies like Mr & Mrs. Smith, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Meet the Parents/Fockers, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Hitch, Shallow Hal & several others that i couldnt remember. It was a terribe movie. Funny & amusing and yet terrible in every way except for the performance of the 2 main characters, Alyson Hannigan & Adam Campbell. They were exceptionally great during the Mr & Mrs. Smith spoof. They delivered their lines with absolute finesse.
opening of nurse's notes I dont have enough things to do with my "busy" schedule so i decided to open up a much more useful blog site than what i have right now. I chose to call it Nurse's Notes since it is all about nursing. Whatever piques my short attention span, i will try and write about it. I am not saying it is accurate. That is the reason why i included a lot of links throughout the entire blog site so i would not be liable for any stupidity that may arise from reading it (that is, if anybody will actually read it). So far I've got 3 topics but i will try to continue updating it. Maybe by tomorrow it will be more decent looking. I just came home from my first part of PALS course. Talking about information overload. Way too much info for one day but its worth it. I felt out of place cause all of the other people who were taking the course are ER nurses while i am the lost sheep of the flock. I work on a cardiac step down floor and we do not really admit pediatric patients. But i love to learn new things especially i am planning to take my CCRN certification soon. I would like to be a critical care RN. I am almost there, basically, cause i am working on a step down unit but its not enough. I need mre info and more experience. I am seriously thinking of settling down in one place so i can pursue the second step to my ambition, to become an ER or CCU nurse. i'll have to set up priorities and plans soon...maybe after my May vacation tot eh philippines. That's more important right now since i havent seen my child in a while.
audioblogger test with mike   yea yea yeah...funny...you'll hear mike doing the quagmire...
dinner at puleo's Last night was a blast. We actually got to hang out with Beth and her fiance, Brian. We went to Puleo's Grille in North Peters Rpad. It was delicious Italian dinner with soem hint of southern hospitality.
We went there quite early so we had to sit at the bar and wait for Beth & Brian to arrive. It was still on happy hour and have good deals on every drink. I decided to get a "red wine" Sangria while Mike (at this time complaining of a sore throat" decided on getting a lighter version, i.e. "white wine" Sangria. We were surprised how delicious it was. In fact, their Sangria blend is probably one of best one's that i ever had aside from the one's i had at Divine Bar in Manhattan during a sangria night. It was fruity, tasty and relatively mild on alcohol taste but you can feel it kick in after gulping the whole glass quickly like a punch. Believe me, i learned it the hard way. The ambience was cozy and entertaining. The staff was very polite, efficient and professional. I ordered Maryland Crabcakes and a side of Penne Pasta Alfredo. I was prepared because i looked up the menu before we came, too hungry i guess. Mike quickly decided to try the Filet Mignon Tip with Sweet Whipped Potatoes. Beth, who has been here before just picked Lasagna with Meat Sauce and a side of Caesar Salad. Brian, which Beth complains of being picky, ordered Chicken Tenders and Fries. They gave us relatively big servings and were very quick to serve the dinner. My dinner was tasty but as i know what "real" crabcakes are in Maryland, I wasn't quite impressed with the amount of breadcrumbs it had. I wouldn't complain about my Caesar Salad since it was very good for my taste. It was not weird tasting like many others do with their caesar salad. Mike said he enjoyed his dinner,especially the sweet potatoes but said he was very full still from the whole weekend of drinking. Beth, on the other hand, almost cleaned up her plate. She claimed that she finished the whole serving before that amazed the servers because even a big person couldn't finish eating it. Brian, ate his share of dinner and more of the bread that was served earlier. We had a good conversational dinner. We sampled yet another restaurant in Knoxville and met new friends. We left the restaurant full and sleepy. It was still early when we came home (around 9:15pm) but Mike was getting really sick so it was early bedtime for him. As for me, i got a phoen call from Analee & Dennis in San Francisco. She is planning to send me some pictures from our hiking trip in Angels Island and was asking me when i am going back to San Francisco. We talked for quite a bit before she switched me over to Dennis who was talking about the Pacific Coast Trail from Mexico to Canada. He said he wanted to try to hike a part of it and was asking if i wold want to do that at some point. I said that it is quite a plan and we should be well prepared for it. We said our goodbyes and i proceeded to blog my eventful day. I should be ready for bed since Mike is snoring quite a bit. i'll go and brush my teeth now...
i just got a party pic from regina.. this was taken last December at the Philippine-American Association of East Tenessee  regina posted it at friendster and i grabbed it from there! pretty neat. i used photobucket to host my images and its great. especially for people who are lazy to do do their own html. ha ha ha...better get ready soon...need to go and call beth to confirm about dinner tonight.
i got home from work safe & sound although i thought i was going to join my patients on the cardiac floor while i was driving through the winding road of martin mill pike. i hate it when people try to run you [25 miles] over the speed limit on a dangerous road especially if there is a flashing sign that we need to go 20 mph instead of 45mph! aside from being sleepy, the constant fear of being thrown over the cliff irritates the heck out of me. kung hindi nga lang ba ako nagmamadaling makauwi, hmp!. i was exhasuted from the whole night of waiting for my patient's endless need of ice water supply (rm. 464). i wanted to get some sleep and of course, to say hi, in passing, to my full time working bf. yep, he is working the 8am to 5pm shifts. he's not used to doing that, being "retired" for almost two years now. but i guess, he wanted to help his bro at work so finally accepted a short time work to organize the warehouse of woodstream with manual work and software to track down the whole database. i haven't seen him the whole weekend and i have been working since he came back, so tonight will be the first night since thursday that i will be hanging out with him. i got a big hug from him when i came from work. he also gave me a t-shirt from maxie's [a college bar where they used to hang out as college students in shippensburg] and a chocolate rose. hmmm...yummy! i might have to sneak in a few bites later on. i don't exactly know why i named this blog, charmed. i should be talking about it. anyhow, i am in front of the boob tube (as if computer monitor is not enough to tire my eyes out more) and watching the aaron spelling show "charmed" on tnt while on mute. so don't ask me what is going on with them because cause i am busy trying to blog this thing before my eyes shuts down. oh yeah, before i forgot. just a few random thought since my mind is racing about a few topics. 1. i saw pictures of a friend from long time ago in CT named judylyn who is now based in virginia. she is now a ramp model and i am very proud of her. i was even a little itsy bitsy jealous at first because of the glamorus clothes she was wearing but i will never exchange that for my beloved gabriel. so *poof*, the jealousy goes to la la land. 2. i am going out for a dinner with a co-worker (beth) and her fiancee tonight at puelos grill in cedar bluff. we were harrassing nikki to come but she said she has a date with a guy from match.com 3. i am a bad bad girl. daryl invited me for a dinner tonight too but with some other people with a dinner theme of "love". i got a little scared especially when she said that some people will bring some poems and prayers to read. although i really wanted to befriend daryl, i dont think mike will agree to be there and frankly speaking, i do not think i can handle that kind of spiritual pressure either. in s hort, i just wnant to hang out, not pray. 4. i was born a catholic and although i sometimes talk to the entity of god, sometimes i doubt myself. 5. one of my best friends is engaged and will be marrying her long time beau next year. i was happy and sad at the same time. very happy for her. sad for me. oh well..i think that should be enough for now. i know i'll think of something else later.
ulong masakit grabe. and tindi ng sakit ng ulo ko. buti na lang tapos na ang primary assessment ko at medications sa mga pasyente. naayos ko na rin ang mga pre-op stuff na kailangan ng pasyente ko sa rm. 465. nabigyan ko na rin ng morphine ang pasyente sa rm. 466. at nakainom na rin akong gamot sa sakit ng ulo ko. naproxen. sana gumaling na. hirap kasi ng masakit ang ulo. pakiramdam ko nauseaus din ako. naku. mamaya na nga lang ulit ang blog. tumatawag na naman ang pasyente ko sa rm. 464...
Lagi ko na lang binabanggit si atong sa blog na ito. marapat na siguro na maipakita ko sa lahat ng tao (o kung sino man ang nagkamaling tumingin sa blog site ko) kung sino ang tinutukoy ko. nathaniel gabriel ang nag-iisang anak ko. mag si siyam na taong gulang sa ika-27 ng abril. kasalukuyang nakatira sa tondo kasama ng kanyang ama, madrasta at tatlong nakakabatang kapatid. bibong bata. mabait. mapagmahal sa mga kapatid. nagtataka siguro kayo kung bakit malayo siya sa akin. kinailangan ng pagkakataon na ako ay mag-isa. mag-isa na sumulong sa alon ng pag-asa at pagkukunwari. ngayon, heto ako, isang propesyonal. may magandang trabaho, may isang taong nagmamahal. sa biglang tingin parang perpektong panaginip pero panaginip pa rin. ang realisasyon na may kulang ay naririto pa rin. iba talaga pag ina. ramdam ang kawalan kapag malayo sa supling. kongitn gpanahon na alng makikita ko na siyang muli. ilang panahon pa at makaksam na kami ng matagal.
its been an easy night so far so we actually got enough time to sit down and eat our "lunch". on the above photo, Marti, Barb, Andrea & Kristi were hesitant to have their picture taken by me because they are caught in the sacred act of eating. ha ha ha. they're one of the nicest bunch i have ever worked with. night shift people like us are far more relaxed than the day shift. as i observed it is not the work but the amount of people that you deal with on days that makes it a lot more stressful. at night, time is my best friend. i can assess my patients better, give them the time and attention they need, and get to know them personally. i love my job and my patients. i love it that i have time to seat down and talk to them. i love it that i get to take care of their needs when they need it the most. it is a very rewarding career. to be able to help. to be able to change lives for the better. downside: when youre working night shift, your days and nights are mixed up. i dont even know when to sleep or when to eat. i just do them when i feel like it or if im working nights, when i needed to. i guess i need to go and get me a drink before the next task begins...
umaga na naman hmmphh (sabay inat) anong oras na ba? 9:42am. grabe, tinatamad akong bumangon. lintik. nasaan na ba ang salamin ko? ayan, may nakikita na ulit ako. hirap kasi ng malabo ang mata. malabo na ang paningin, malabo pa ang pananaw. akala ko wala talagang ibang pilipino nung bagong salta ako dito sa knoxville. e kasi naman, tinutukso ako ng puti kong boypren na nag-iisa lang daw ako dito sa lugar nila. hmp, pinatunayan ko nga. meron silang asosasyon dito. PAAET. as in philippine-american association of east tennessee. ewan ko kung nabanggit ko yun sa previous blog ko lst december. kasi nagpunta kami sa christmas party nila. ok nga eh. nandun pa rin yung filipino festivities. mga batang nagtatakbuhan, sangkaterbang kainan, bandang sintunado, dance intermission ng pandango sa ilaw, at tsismisan kaliwat kanan. oops nakalimutan ko pala yung pabonggahan ng evening gown at alahas. masaya naman talaga eh. nakakaaliw. nawawala ang lungkot ng pagiging homesick pero nakakainis din minsan pag ang makikita mo eh yung negative side na. kagabi, masaya. feeling single ako. inunat ko ng flat iron ang buhok, naglagay ng maskara sa mukha (make up), nagsuot ng paseksing damit kahit di naman seksi (semi formal daw eh), at sumulong mag-isa sa downtown. sa may market square. magkikita daw sa world grotto. nabuburo na kasi ako dito sa bahay eh. hirap ng walang magawa. kaya iyon. marami naman akong nakilala. si daryl, si antonnette..at si...ano nga bang pangalan niya?...sayawan to the max. hiya nga lang ako kasi suot ko yung boots ko eh madulas yung sahig. major embarrassment yun pag nagkataon. kaya nanood na lang ako ng pagsasayaw nila ng walang katapusang line dancing habang umiinom ako ng chocotini. pinagtitinginan ako. yep, yun din yata ang nakapagpadagdag ng hiya ko. bagong salta kasi. at iba raw ako magdamit. wala kasi akon gibang damit kundi yung mga black clothes ko from new york. haay. pagkatapos ng titigang walang katapusan (na natapos din), umalis na ako. punta naman ako sa preservation pub na ilang hakbang lang ang layo sa world grotto. ito na yatang market square ang pinaka gusto kong place dito sa knoxville. na feature pa nga ito sa country living magazine dahil sa eclectic style ng mga bars and stores dito. so ayun. umupo ako sa kanto ng bar, humingi ng isang pint ng guinness. humithit ng nat sherman mint at nagkunwaring masarap mag-isang tumunganga. wala naman talaga akong agenda. ni ayoko ngang uminom. gusto ko lang talagang makasalamuha ng ibang tao maliban kay mike, mark at jamie. kahit masaya silang kasama, iba pa rin yung na e expose ka sa ibat ibang personalidad. at dahil babae ako, gustuhin ko man na makipagkilala sa kapwa ko babae, hindi puwede dahil mapagkakamalan akong tibo (lesbian). hindi naman masama pero wala yata ako sa mood kagabi so umupo na lang ako hanggang sa may nagkainteres na makipag kuwentuhan sa akin na dalwang lalaki. at leas disente silang kausap at magalang. so nalibang ako ng ilang oras. nakinig sa bandang tumutugtog. at bago nag alas dose, umuwi na ako. takot akong mag drive sa gabi eh. malabo kasi ang mata ko. umaga na naman. mamayang gabi pasok na naman ako sa trabaho...
buhay ng isang biktima "I've got the same question to myself more than a few times...im the perfect liar...ang galing galing ko manloko ng ibang tao...lalo na sa kung ano ang nararamdaman ko...pero ang masakit...hindi ko maloko ang sarili ko...i know who i am and everytime i try to start over (which i have done several times) i still feel na hindi na nga ako magbabago dahil part na iyon ng buhay ko...it's my history, i can never change it...may nabasa akong leaflet noon about God and death...na pag namatay ka raw ni-re-rewind ang buhay mo sa harapan mo na parang pelikula...my god...nakakahiya...pinipilit ko na nga lang kalimutan kung ano ng mga pinaggagawa ko sa buhay ko dahil kung hindi baka maunahan pa kita sa kabilang buhay...sorry if i said that...anyway...i not only grieve for you...i grieve for myself too...hindi ako naawa sa iyo, naaawa ako sa sarili ko dahil ikaw maysakit pero pinipilit mabuhay pero ako buhay pero pinipilit magpakamatay...sa anong paraan, hindi ko alam...not in a physical sense but something else..." comment ko ito sa fellow blogger dito...biktima...may tanong siya sa isa sa mga blog niya na kinailangan kong sagutin kasi nga pinag-isip niya ako...wala mang nagbabasa nito na kagaya ng sa kanya...at least alam ko may napaglalabasan ako ng nasasaisip ko...galing nga ng nag refer sa akin sa site niya...yung best friend kong si chico...parehas kasi kaming "malalim mag-isip"...that is pag pinipili naming kalikutin ang laman ng utak namin pag makausap kami... bihira akogn mag-blog...sabi nga ni chico...pag-bored lang daw ako...na kalahating totoo naman...kasi yung kalahati...parati akong bored, meron lang nag-o-occupy ng time ko kaya nde ako makapagsulat...pero ganon pa rin...bored pa rin...may tanong nga ako sa kanya kanina...mabubuo kaya ang pagkatao ko pag nakuha ko na ang anak ko?...kasi noon akala ko pag nakakuha na akong "matinong boyfriend" mapupunuan na ang pagkukulang sa buhay ko...i realized...hindi pala...
out of the clear blue...
gusto ko lang i-share yung second card na ibinigay ni mike sa akin from the two years na were dating (the first one was on my birthday when he first met me)...
i was surprised. he is not the kind of person who will tell you, nonetheless, write to someone what he truly feels...i felt happy and sad at the same time...happy kasi i found a person who never gave me any reason to be mad or upset...sad because as much as he shows how much i mean to him, pakiramdam ko empty pa rin ako...ther's something missing...hindi ko alam kung si Atong lang talaga ang hinihintay ko...pero as far as i know...at least ngayon alam ko na may magmamahal pa rin sa akin ng gaya ng ipinapakita ni Mike... They just left to go PA for a "boys weekend getaway"...i hope he have fun...
EPT & flowers for me I went home from work kasi i felt very nauseous...grabe akala ko nga pregnant ako (which is almost impossible) kahit na on time naman ang aking "dalaw"...dahil nag-iisip ng dahilan sa pagiging nauseated ko, napabili tuloy ako ng pregnancy test...buti na lang wala si Mike sa bahay nila (i went there straight, mas malapit kasi sila kesa sa apartment ko)...sabi ni EPT, "not pregnant" daw...marami kasi ang hindi makaintindi sa ibig sabihin ng one line and two lines sa pregnancy test kaya ginawang digital ang reading...mas malinaw diba?...ewan ko lang sa mga hindi marunong magbasa... ayun humiga na lagn ako at nanood ng TV sa newly renovated na room ni Mike habang naghihintay ng kanyang pagdating... heto na ang Mike, nag-aalala...sabi ko msama lang pakiramdam ko...tapos sabi may surprise daw sa akin...
ganda nga! tiger lily, grabe ang bango bango pa...i'm touched sa gesture niya...paalis kasi sila ng brother niya bukas..."boys weekend out"...mag da drive ng 10 hours para makpag-inuman with the boys the whole weekend...maybe skiing daw...oh well..he deserves it...kawawa naman eh...lagi na lang work ang projects ang inaalala...pero sweet ha...kahit na walang valentines day (hindi daw kasi siya naniniwala dito dahil parati raw siyang single pag valentines day)...
only hope (by mandy moore) kapapanood ko lang ng "a walk to remember". a novel turned to movie by nicholas sparks. as usual, kandaiyak na naman ako...para bang naulit na lang yung eksena na nag-iiyak ako nung napanood ko yung isa pang novel-turned-to-movie byt the same author, "the notebook". ewan ko ba. mahilig nga yata ko na torturin ang sarili ko sa mga malulungkot na eksena. syempre parang revival daw ng pagiging madrama ng buhay ko. o gusto ko lang na maging mas exciting kasi nagiging plain na. kailangan ko na yatang mag out of country. siguro sa milan o sa dubai. madrama daw dun kasi si claudine barreto laging umiiyak sa pelikula nya. ha ha ha. back to the subject. nadurog na naman ang pagkatao ko. hindi ko alam kung anong gusto ko. pero nagandahan talaga ako sa kantang ito ni mandy moore. righ tot the point. at least siya alam niya kung sino ang only hope niya. lol. gusto kong isipin na si mike at si atong ang aking "only hope"...maybe they are...maybe there is something else not someone else...
Birthdays! mike's bday just passed. i had my hair done, got me a NYC attire and booked a local B&B pace for him. it was a nice night. talking about being romantic! i sent him a "mystery" invitation to a local martini bar. made him stay there for an hour and then send him a note through a waiter. he came over to my semi private booth and we talked and drank. Went to the next brewery then i blind folded him. put him to the car then led him to the B&B place. he was so excited and so am i. It was the penthouse of maplehurst B&B inn. it was so cool! the inn itself is from circa 1917! everything is antique and their is a spiral staircase leading to the kitchen and dining area. we had drinks of wine and tlaked the entire night! it was great! he loved it!
Maplehurst Inn - Bed & Breakfast (Knoxville, TN)
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